英语幽默小故事

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了

汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”

“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？ ”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？ ”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？ ”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子， ”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！ ”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话

上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you

know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著

性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的

一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是

A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟

能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"且话偻蚰昴?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

1,Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师：这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

2. The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

3. The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老师

9月1日，乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。

"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

4. A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?

Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考试

在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？

尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

Jim’s History Examination

Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?

Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him

things that happened before the poor boy was born.

吉姆的历史考试

舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？

母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个

可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。

Magic change

神奇变化

Gaga is a little duck. He is small, dirty and ugly. His friends don’t like to play with him.

One day, Gaga walked behind his friends quietly(静悄悄地).But his friends did not want him. Gaga was very sad and ran to the river and cried loudly(大声地)。

Just then, a big beautiful bird heard(听见)him crying and flew down(飞下来，落下来). She said, “Please don’t cry. Tell me, what do you want? I can help you.”

Gaga told the truth(真相). The beautiful bird said, “OK, I can help you to become a good-looking duck. ” Then she took out a blanket and put it on the duck’s body. She said something which the little duck didn’t understand. Then she took away the blanket. There stood (站立)a good-looking duck.

Gaga was very happy. He thanked the big bird and quickly went to play with his friends

英语小故事，六年级水平，二三则就够了，谢了·

《 We are friends》、《Little mouse》、《Let’s play》、《Two dogs》、《Bananas for Lunch》等的英语小故事。

这篇《小学五年级英语故事：香蕉午餐》，是无忧考网特地为大家整理的，希望对大家有所帮助！

Bananas for Lunch A fat monkey likes eating bananas very much. He had bananas for lunch. He peeled one and ate one more and then, one more one banana, two bananas, three bananas, four… He ate and ate, but he wanted more, he peeled and he ate, peeled and he ate, five bananas, six bananas, seven bananas, eight … He peeled two more and continued two more. He ate whole bunch of bananas and can’t sleep.

香蕉午餐一只小胖猴子很喜欢吃香蕉。他拿香蕉做午餐，他剥一个香蕉，用力地吃着，吃着，吃着，吃了1个香蕉，2个香蕉，3个香蕉，4个…… 他不停地吃，但是他还想要更多!他边吃，边剥，5个香蕉，6个香蕉，7个香蕉，8个……他又剥了两个，继续撑着吃。他吃了一整串香蕉以致不能躺下睡觉了。

谁有英语小故事啊？

The Miser守财奴

A MISER sold all that he had and bought a lump of gold, which he buried in a hole in the ground by the side of an old wall and went to look at daily. One of his workmen observed his frequent visits to the spot and decided to watch his movements. He soon discovered the secret of the hidden treasure, and digging down, came to the lump of gold, and stole it. The Miser, on his next visit, found the hole empty and began to tear his hair and to make loud lamentations. A neighbor, seeing him overcome with grief and learning the cause, said, "Pray do not grieve so; but go and take a stone, and place it in the hole, and fancy that the gold is still lying there. It will do you quite the same service; for when the gold was there, you had it not, as you did not make the slightest use of it."

有个守财奴变卖了他所有的家产，换回了金块，并秘密地埋在一个地方。他每天走去看看他的宝藏。有个在附近放羊的牧人留心观察，知道了真情，趁他走后，挖出金块拿走了。守财奴再来时，发现洞中的金块没有了，便捶胸痛哭。有个人见他如此悲痛，问明原因后，说道：“喂，朋友，别再难过了，那块金子虽是你买来的，但并不是你真正拥有的。去拿一块石头来，代替金块放在洞里，只要你心里想着那是块金子，你就会很高兴。这样与你拥有真正的金块效果没什么不同。依我之见，你拥有那金块时，也从没用过。”

这故事说明，一切财物如不使用等于没有。

1Last week, Mrs Black went to London. She didn’t know London very well, and she lost her way. Suddenly she saw a man near a bus stop. She went up to the man and said, “Excuse me! Can you tell me the way to the hospital, please?” The man smiled. He didn’t know English! He came from Germany. But then he put his hand into his pocket, and took out an English dictionary. He looked up some words. Then he said slowly, “I’m sorry I can’t understand you. ”

上周，布莱克夫人去了一趟伦敦。她不太熟悉伦敦，结果她迷路了。突然她在一个公共汽车站附近看见一位男子。她急忙向这位男子走去，说道：“劳驾您一下！请您告诉我去医院的路，好吗？”这位男子笑了。他听不懂英语。他来自德国。但是他将手伸进了自己的衣袋里，从里面掏出了一本英语词典。他查找到了一些单词。然后他一字一句地说：“我很抱歉我听不懂你说的话。”

2Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.

The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman."

"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?"

"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.

"Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".

迪克年龄七岁，他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁。一天，妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩，自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服。

孩子们玩了个把小时，在四点半的时候，姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房。她交给迪克一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，并对他说：“喏，迪克，给你刀子，把这块蛋糕一切为二，给你妹妹一块。不过，你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样。 ”

迪克问：“像一个绅士？绅士怎样做呢？”

他姨妈马上回答说：“绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的。”

迪克说了一声“噢 ”。他对此想了一会，然后，他把蛋糕拿给妹妹，并对她说：“凯瑟琳，你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧。”

3It happened that a Dog had got a piece of meat and was carrying it home in his mouth to eat it in peace. Now, on his way home he had to cross a plank lying across a running brook. As he crossed, he looked down and saw his own shadow reflected in the water beneath. Thinking it was another dog with another piece of meat, he made up his mind to have that also. So he made a snap at the shadow in the water, but as he opened his mouth the piece of meat fell out, dropped into the water and was never seen more.

一只狗嘴里衔着一块肉，走过一条河上面的桥，看见他自己在水里的影子，以为是另一只狗，那时狗衔着的肉，比他自己的还要大一倍。因此他仍掉自己的那一块，狠狠地扑向那只狗，想夺到那一块较大的肉。结果两头都落了空，因为他想要抓取在水中的那一块，只不过是一个影子，而原来的那一块，也被水冲走了。4A wolf was almost dead with hunger. A house-dog saw him, and asked, "Friend, your irregular life will soon ruin you.

"Why don't you work steadily as I do, and get your food regularly?"

"I would have no objection," said the wolf, "if I could only get a place." "I will help you," said the dog. "Come with me to my master, and you shall share my work."

So the wolf and the dog went to the town together.

On the way the wolf saw that there was no hair around the dog's neck.

He felt quite surprised, and asked him why it was like that?

"Oh, it is nothing," said the dog. "Every night my master puts a collar around my neck and chains me up. You will soon get used to it."

"Is that the only reason?" said the wolf. "Then good-bye to you, my friend. I would rather be free."

一只狼快要饿死了，一只狗看见后问他：“你现在的无规律的生活一定会毁掉你，为什么不像我一样稳定地干活并有规律地获得食物呢?”

狼说：“如果我有个地方住，我没有意见。 ”狗回答说：“跟我到主人那里去，我们一起工作。”于是狼和狗一起回到了村子。

在路上，狼注意到狗的脖子上有一圈没有毛，他很奇怪地问为什么会那样。

“噢，没有什么，”狗说，“我的主人每天晚上都用一条铁链子拴住我，你很快就会习惯的。”“就是因为这个原因吗? ”狼说道，“那么，再见了，我的朋友，我宁愿选择自由。”5 a country maid was walking along with a can of milk upon her head, when she fell into the following train of reflections. "the money for which i shall sell this milk will enable me to increase my stock of eggs to three hundred, these eggs,allowing for what may prove addle,and what may be destroyed by vermin, will produce at least two hundred and fifty chickens. the chickens will be fit to carry to market just at the time when poultry is always dear; so that by the new year i cannot fail of having money enough to purchase a new gown. green-let me consider-yes,green becomes my complexion best .and green it shall be, in this dress i will go to the fair,where all young fellows will strive to have me for a parter; but no-i shall refuse every one of them,and with a disdainful toss turn from them." transported with this idea,she could not forbear acting with her head the thought that passed in her mind,when down came the can of milk!and all her imaginary happiness vanished in a moment.

村姑和牛奶罐

一个村姑头上顶着一罐牛奶在路上行走。走着走着，她的脑子里浮现出一连串的幻想： “我卖了这罐牛奶后，用这笔钱买鸡蛋，这样我有的鸡蛋可以增加到300个。用这300个鸡蛋孵小鸡，这就算有坏的、生虫的，至少也能孵出250只小鸡。等小鸡长大后，正好能赶上卖个好市价；那么到了新年，我就能有钱买一件新晚装。买一件绿色的——让我好好想想——对，绿色与我的肤色最相衬。我穿上这件衣服去赶集，所有的年轻小伙子都会抢着邀请我做舞伴；但是不行——我要轻蔑地把头一扬，转身过去不理他们，让他们人人都碰个钉子。她想得得意忘形，情不自禁地把头一扬，刹那间，牛奶罐跌了下来！她幻想的一切幸福间破灭了。6 A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆， ”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是Drunk

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？ ” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！” 个卖糖果的。”